Tales from the Court: Volume 1

Some of you may not know that I daylight (as opposed to moonlight) as a bailiff in court in addition to my normal lawclerk duties. That means that during the summer, in addition to studying for the bar, I participated in 5 weeks of police academy so I could wear uncomfortable, ugly green pants and a sheriff's badge and say "All Rise" when the judge enters the courtroom. Among many bailiff duties is participating in bail hearings (a criminal defendant appears for the first time before the judge to get bail set according to the seriousness of his offense). One of the questions that a judge asks is whether the defendant has a job (to see what ties they have to te community and if there is a chance they will run away if they make bail). This next story is borrowed from fellow bailiff, Kiersty Loughmiller, and occured during bail hearing this morning. The following conversation took place:

Judge: Do you have a job?

Defendant: No.

Judge: Well how do you support yourself?

Defendant: I steal things.

(Judge remains composed while the rest of the deputies, mike, and I laugh)

County Prosecutor: Your Honor, I think in light of his lack of ties to the community, his significant prior convictions, including several for theft,and his admission that he steals things, bail should be set at 15,000 cash only as there is a high liklihood of reoffending.....

richard conquers the mother of all wings

That is not a lipstick mark around Richard's mouth.  That is a burnmark from dripped hotsauce.  What you are seeing is one of the many consequences of eating a hotwing known in Colorado as "The Insanity."  I wouldn't let him kiss me for awhile after this event.  I was feeling enough heartburn after just eating "the Warrior"-- I didn't need anymore heat from him
When I asked Richard what it felt like to eat this certain brand of hotwing that has to be asked for in person and is not listed on the menu.  He said "remember your pepper spray training from bootcamp this summer?  It was like that!"  This photo depicts Richard exclaiming "WHYYYY??"
Richard prepared for this test of will be pre-ordering chocolate milk.  However, he did not anticipate adequately his fiery thirst and quickly, between gulps, called out to the waitress to bring him a second glass.
I take full responsibility for this event.  Richard had told me about previous exploits eating the hotwing that comes with a liability waiver (the last time he did this, his mouth burned so much that he went around the entire restaurant eating everyone's apple sauce side, whether  they gave him permission or not), and I was of course curious.  He told his mom that he wanted to eat the outlawed wing and his mom tried to dissuade him by saying, "why can't you just go and be happy."  I, however, egged him on by encouraging him to eat two in a row.  He had never done it before and I wanted a show!  I underestimated Richard.  He has developed a certain kind of immunity to spicy foods, and while this wing experience was certainly more than I would be able to handle (or any average human being for that matter), for Richard, all he experienced was some sever discomfort for a half hour.  There was no screaming, rolling on the ground, or passing out.  Although somewhat disappointed,  I was also proud of my husband!