Benjamin Therapy

I realize that it has been a long time since I have given any updates on Benjamin.  Now I understand why there are only a handful of photos of myself as a baby.  I used to think it was just favoritism for the older children, but now I understand that it really only means that parents have less time for snapping pictures.  I love my little guy so much.  My heart seems to want to burst with fullness when I look at him.  He owns me!

At Benjamin's 4 month check up, he couldn't hold us his big noggin at all.  His neck and head were almost as floppy as the day he was born.  But  I wasn't worried because I had forgotten EVERYTHING FROM THE FIRST TIME AROUND. Our pediatrician, however, was worried about low muscle tone and so she referred us to an early intervention center for an evaluation on Benjamin's motor skills.

I almost didn't make the appointment.  In my eyes, Benjamin was perfect, perfect, perfect.  But a month later, I finally made the appointment for a month after that.  It was just going to be an evaluation.  He would qualify for services if he fell in the bottom 25% of ability in any given area.

The evaluation consisted of playing with Benjamin for 2 hours.  Hey, I can handle that anytime.  But I started to see that Benjamin didn't readily grab for any object.  He couldn't lift his head up off the ground much or move from side to side.  During the few times that he did reach for something, his movements were very slow and deliberate-- as if they took great concentration.  Not that a 6 month old is ready to drive a car or anything, but even I could see that Benjamin seemed to have trouble with his motor skills.

After the evaluation, the two therapists deliberated for a half hour while Benjamin slept (he had worked hard!).  They came back into the evaluation room and told me that although Benjamin was the most beautiful baby in the world, and had the best personality, and talents beyond the human imagination, and unlimited potential (okay, so those are my words), that he did qualify for intervention services

What that meant was that once a week, a therapist would come to our house and work with us and Benjamin at improving Benjamin's motor skills and coordination.  The therapist would train us on exercises to do with Benjamin to strengthen him so that he could perform normal baby feats like rolling over or sitting up on his own.

So in January we started these therapy sessions and they have been great!  I love our therapist and Benjamin just loves all the attention he gets.  WE clap and applaud and praise him for every effort.  And he has improved so much.   I don't know how long we will need these services, but they are worth it for us-- because Benjamin does have unlimited potential and talents beyond the human imagination!  And he also has a huge head!  I would struggle too if I had to hold up that thing.  He must think very complex thoughts.

At first when we factored in the cost of his therapy, we resigned ourselves to the fact that we would not be able to add to our savings for awhile.  We didn't have a lot of excess funds to begin with.  But our therapist encouraged us to apply for financial aid through the program and we got accepted!  One of many tender mercies.

I know it is nothing like raising a disabled child or a child with severe delays.  I know that my experience with Benjamin's therapy is tiny in comparison to the many mothers and fathers who deal with severe physical or mental challenges.  But I used to be so scared of the what if....."what if my child has a disability?"  I was scared that I wouldn't be able to handle the stress and that it would be too hard.  Now, in a very small way, I understand that those fears pale in comparison to the fierce love that says "I will do ANYTHING for my child."

Potty training Anna: Attempt 3

I veritably suck at potty training. 

The first time I was way too overconfident and sure of myself.  I "scheduled" Anna's potty training for the week before Benjamin was due.  Heck, I had an extra week on my hands, so why not get potty training out of the way.  It would be three easy days.  Bada bing, bada boom.  No diapers. 

*sigh*

That is when I discovered the awful truth.  There are many things that I can make my kids do.  Going to the bathroom is not one of them. IN the power struggle that ensued, I realized that I had absolutely no control over Anna's bowels or bladder.  She won.  It was epic.  There was no incentive in the world that was going to get that girl to pee on demand.  I gave up after a day and a half.  I reasoned that I had just one week left alone with Anna before a second child butted in, and I wanted to enjoy it.  And believe me, the only person shedding tears during potty training attempt #1 was me.

Then, we had Benjamin, and then we moved to a different house, and once we were in our new house for 3 days, we figured that it was an EXCELLENT time again to attempt to potty train Anna again because we had just run out of diapers.  We told Anna a few days in advance "this is the end of the diapers, and when we use the last one, you are going to get potty trained!"  I remember that as Richard left for work that morning, I silently mouthed the words "help me" as he exited.  I know that you are supposed to focus 100% on your potty training kid during the process so you can catch them mid-pee and magically transport them to the potty so that they can finish and be proud and learn....but that just doesn't fly so well when you have an infant who also needs attention and naps and needs to be fed and played with.  Every time I turned my back there was a puddle.  Not one success the whole day.  It seemed like Anna was actually scared of the toilet. I was the one crying that day.  I told Richard that he was now in charge.  Richard's approach was simple-- just hold Anna on the potty until she did her business.  Thats when Anna started crying, and I had visions of Anna carrying potty training trauma with her throughout adulthood so I begged it off (much to Richard's frustration).  Attempt #2 a radical failure.

A couple of months later we were ready for attempt #3.  Anna is in love with the Disney store and specifcally Cinderella paraphernalia.  She has been wanting a Cinderella dress for quite some time.  And so we told her that when she got potty trained she could go into the Disney store and pick out anything she wanted.  Anything at all.  Anna was really  excited about that.  So Anna began starting ever conversation (both to us and to strangers) "when I get potty trained, I will get a Cinderella dress!"  However, she was no closer to using the toilet.  She would only sit on it if we gave her a movie on our phones and then it was only when she didn't need to go.  The moment she needed to relieve herself, she would hop off the toilet and go in her room (in a diaper of course).  But then something magical occurred-- a three day weekend (presidents day).  Richard had work off and we would be home the whole weekend.  Richard asked my permission to be in charge and since I was lacking all confidence in myself in this area, I willingly acquiesced.  I concentrated on Benjamin and Richard took over.  Anna cried the first two times Richard held her on the toilet, and then halfway through day 1, she got it and got over her fear of toilets.  From then on out she was the master of potty training.  It was like night and day. Three days later we flew down to st. george.  I gave her the option of wearing a diaper on the plane and she refused. She knows how to listen to her body and she knows how to wait until there is an available restroom. It has been extraordinary.  She still likes to tell me when she needs to go to the bathroom and is still very proud of herself that she knows just what to do.  Attempt #3 success!!

This is a picture of Anna with her new dress at the Disney Store.  We figured it was about the cost of one months worth of diapers!

 

 

A day in my life with my girl

Almost every day, after I put my children to bed, I have a few moments where I look back over my day and my interactions with the kids.  I rememer the moments where I was the mom I wanted to be, and I recall the moments I hope my children will forget and forgive me for.  Most days are like that-- battles won and lost.  Most days include a smattering of "time outs," a few tantrums, a couple of briberies, a raised voice or two, some door poundings, interspersed with hugs, kisses, laughter, and love.  I have only been in the parenting business for 3 1/2 years and I am still very much an amateur.  I don't like to think that Anna is getting my "rough draft" but there are some days when I look back on my decisions that day and I feel like there were more "wrongs" than there were "rights"

And then there are days like today.

Anna let me help her get ready for the day.  After I put Benjamin down for his first nap, Anna and I both got dressed and then once her shoes were on, we read stories for quite awhile.  Anna loves the story of "Ferdinand the Bulll."  She also loves "Cuordory" and "Madeline" and "Peter Rabbit."  We  read them all.  I didn't feel rushed.  I didn't give her a time limit.  We just read.  Then I made us a lunch to take to school.  After Benjamin woke up, we all had bananas.  Anna's had Nutella on it.  We headed out to music class and Anna was so thoughtful the whole time.  She wanted to protect Benjamin from the other kids so she would kneel down and place her arms around him while she kept her eyes on the other children who were toddling near.  Every time a piece of music equipment got passed around, she took one for herself and then got one for both Benjamin and myself.  Every time.  She was so thoughtful.  After music class, while we were in the car on the way to the preschool, Anna and I talked about what books she wanted to rent from the library the next time we went there (all Fancy Nancy books).
After we got the preschool, Anna and I went straight to the bathroom.  Anna asked for some privacy, so I went to talk to another parent.  When Anna came out she was completely naked except for her pants and underwear around her ankles.  When I turned from my conversation, I found her blithely putting together a puzzle, completely oblivious to the fact that there might have been something wrong in her lack of attire. I got her dressed and she had a wonderful time at school.  On the way home she happily ate her PBJ in her carseat.  Once at home, I put Benjamin to bed and then Anna and I shared some apple slices while we again read some books.  After this, Anna was supposed to have some nap time/quiet time.  It wasn't quite so successful today.  Anna kept coming out, wanting to be where I was, doing what I was doing.  After a few unsuccessful attempts to get her back into her room, I finally gave up and just included her in my work.  She helped me take out the recycling, and then I taught her about composting.  We had just had a new compost bucket delivered and Anna was fascinated with it.  I taught her about what kinds of things we put into the bucket and Anna was very excited to be the first one to put food scraps in the new bucket.  After that, Anna and I made Blueberry muffins.  Anna has become an excellent assistant cook to me.  She likes to crack eggs and mix things and dump and pour, but most of all she likes to taste.  I always let her lick the spoon.  Muffins are our special thing.  We make muffins almost every week.  Anna likes to watch them bake in the oven and usually brings her little stool next to the oven and asks me to turn the oven light on so that she can watch the process.  Benjamin woke up while they were baking so I left her in charge of protecting the muffins while I took care of her baby brother. While I was in there, Anna came into Benjamin's room and climbed up onto the rocking chair with us and brought a story that she wanted me to read.  While I was reading it, the buzzer dinged so we all trouped into the kitchen with the unfinished book.  Benjamin had his dinner and both Anna and I ate two muffins apiece.  Then we finished the story.
Then I told Anna that it would be a great idea if we all got into our pajamas.  I brought Anna her pajamas and Anna asked what Benjamin was going to wear.  I told her that she could pick out what Benjamin would wear that night.  While I was getting Benjamin into his pajamas I asked Anna to bring in her "stack a doos" (a kind of lego like building set).  I held Benjamin while Anna built things.  I asked her what she wanted me to build and then obediently followed her instruction.  I kept telling Anna how much Benjamin loved her and was watching the things she was doing.  I asked Anna to share one of her blocks with her brother and she reluctantly agreed to let him hold ond of the smaller pieces.  Then Anna told me she wanted to build a wall with her "stack a doos" and we then proceeded to build the "biggest wall EVER!"  She lined up all her blocks and connected them in a straight line and then we practiced counting them.  She inexplicably skips over the number 16 every time.  Every time she counted the blocks, I would give her a high five and tell her "thats what I'm talking about" to which she would reply, "thats what I'm talking about first!"
While I put Benjamin down to sleep, Anna "borrowed" one of his toys and took it to her room.  I told her I would join her later.  When I was finished, I found Anna eating crackers in the kitchen.  I made her a little dinner and told her that if she took one adventure bite, I would give her a treat.  She ate precisely one bite and then asked for her treat. I gave her three M&Ms.  I got her toothbrush and we took the toothbrush into her room so she could get ready for bed.  Richard got home, so I gave Anna a kiss, told her I loved her, and let Richard take over.

As I waited for Richard to come out of her room, I did the same memory sweep of the day that I do every day, examining my actions and interactions with my kids.  The things said that couldn't be unsaid and the things done that couldn't be undone.  And I realized that today was a "10"

We weren't at Disneyland.  We weren't on the beach in our bathings suits.  We weren't in a toy store or at a performance.  We weren't surrounded by cupcakes or candy.  Today was perfectly ordinary.

But it was perfect. For the first time in a long time, there wasn't a moment I wanted to change about today.  I knew that Anna knew that I loved her when she went to bed.  I knew that when she hugged me tight that it was not out of obedience or obligation.  I knew that today, my little girl felt secure in her home and family, that she felt listened to and important.  And for myself, I truly enjoyed playing with my children today.  I hope Anna remembers today-- that she remembers more of my "good mom" moments than my "bad mom" moments.

I hope I make more days this like.