Lately, I have been feeling much like Steve Martin in "Father of the Bride" when he goes bananas in the grocery store. He rails on the store clerk because he only wants 8 hotdogs and 8 hotdog buns, and so he is taking out the extraneous 4 buns (back then buns were sold in packs of 12?). Anyway, his famous line (at least to me) is "George Banks is saying 'NO'"
I know how he feels...
Mainly, for me, its that feeling of there always
being something you have to do, with no time left for the things that you want
to do. Every night after we put the kids
to bed, I am faced with the task of choosing how to spend those precious couple
of hours left before I too must go to bed (or face the Mormon equivalent of a
hangover the next day). The “want to’s”
include watching a movie, writing in my journal, going shopping, reading a
book, pulling weeds and gardening, and even just conversing with my
husband. The “have to’s” include cleaning
the kitchen, doing the laundry, picking up toys and clothes, making phone
calls, writing emails, making visits, going to meetings, typing up “minutes, ”
preparing lessons. I have to prioritize….unfortunately,
many of the have to’s end up remaining unfinished as well. Sometimes my chest feels squeezed and I find
it hard to breathe. Luckily, I have a good husband who helps out
a lot with the kids and who has stepped up a lot more with dish duty. But my garden remains unweeded and I have two
library books that mock me from the table, unopened. I haven’t written in my journal in a long
time and I can’t seem to remember what I did a week ago. Richard and I are sometimes like two
room-mates who both have a ton of homework at night and work side by side,
individually pursuing their studies.
And yet…life goes on, both hard and great. And I don't want to miss it or forget it. Here is what we have been doing:
Benjamin is making so much progress and now can roll his way across a room with a purpose. He crawls like man who has lost his legs and has a lot of upper arm strength.
This year I decided I was going to learn a new skill...which is big for me because I HATE learning new things. Actually, I hate the learning curve and sucking at something in the beginning. But I decided that gardening was the thing I wanted to learn. Mainly because I want cherry tomatoes in my backyard and because I DO NOT WANT pets ever and I would rather Anna learn responsibility by caring for plants than with animals. I was able to set up a small garden of vegetables that seem
to be thriving in their garden boxes and containers (and yes, those are pots of dirt sitting on top dirt...I wanted easy gardening. And some of the containers are reusable grocery sacks...because I'm cheap). When
I do get around to pulling a few weeds, Anna likes to come outside and collect
the worms. She forms colonies of them.
I am currently the secretary on the Parent Board at Anna's cooperative preschool and I am still Relief Society president. I always wanted to be a parent who also worked part time in a
public interest setting, and I seem to have gotten my wish (only without any additional income). I feel like many of the skills I worked on in college, first in social work, and then in law school, are being applied. But almost 100 % of the work involved with those two positions has to happen between the hours of 7:30 and 10:30 at night, because Anna is the kind of child that does not allow you to focus on anything other than her. If she is awake and not in school, I am doing things with her (occasionally she allows me to do things with Benjamin as well). I have never been this busy and exhausted (not even in lawschool). But I like it at the same time. I feel important to something other than my
family—and although that should be enough, it is nice to have something outside
my home to build up and develop. There are real needs and real consequences and I feel like my voice and skills and my approach to service have been useful.
I finished nursing Benjamin.
He bit me and he has lots of teeth.
He weighs over 25 lbs now. I have awesome arms with real definition from
all that carrying (because of course he is still not terribly mobile). He has a big toothy smile and has to squint
in the sun. He is round and mostly bald
and needs an awful lot of sunscreen when we go outside. He is looking so much like Richard—except for
his eyes—those are mine!
Our family was able to go on two mini vacations
recently (the Olympic Peninsula and Leavenworth, WA). Just overnighters. But every time we get away, we are reminded
that we are our favorite people to spend time with. And also, that we live in the most beautiful
place in the world!!
Richard and I celebrated 6 years being married...only 54 more years left before we get a free night stay at the Holiday Inn! We spent our anniversary in Leavenworth (a little bavarian town a couple of hours east of Seattle). We were with the kids, which I consider to be the fruits of our marriage.
I got a real tea set from Goodwill a couple of weeks
ago. Anna loves it. She asks me to take down my special tea set
and we have hot chocolate. I found an
awesome scone recipe that we use a lot.
She is becoming quite proficient in the kitchen.
we decided to invite some of Anna's friends over for a real princess tea party (complete with couple of knights/superheroes in shining armor)
I have decided to go curly again. Mainly to save time. After watching a few youtube videos I have learned the secret to curly hair-- LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of mousse or gel. The first night I had my hair curly like this, Richard touched my hair and then pulled his hand away in revulsion at the amount of product I had put in it. I believe his exact words were "its more machine than man..."
On the other hand, Anna got a lifestyle haircut...because she doesn't want me to touch it-- EVER! I can't put clips, rubberbands, or ribbons in her hair. This girl needs haircut that says "get out of my way, I have butterflies to catch!"
Anna has made friends with our next door neighbors and their sons. She likes to communicate with them through the fence. I also often find her sneaking down the street to knock on their door. It reminds me a little bit of the off Broadway play "The Fantasticks"
Anna is learning to draw stick figures. I think that Charles Schultz would have appreciated her particular approach to caricatures. In this photo she drew her daddy which has the essence, if not the anatomical accuracy of Richard.
Anna also learned another thing: don't brush your teeth with Daddy's razor. Too gory. No pictures of that one thank goodness!
Benjamin loves trees! I think he channels the spirit of his uncle Nate who also feels God in trees. The first thing that Benjamin wants to do in the morning is to say Hello to the tree outside his room. He reaches for it, and it is there, every morning, waiting for him.
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