A rainbow kind of a day

A great day at the consignment store:  It had been raining and we needed rain boots and raincoats (the Thomas costume was a no-go.  Benjamin is against dressing up of any kind outside of tying a towel around his neck for a cape)

a happy girl:  she found out what happens when the sun shines after a good rainstorm

and a double rainbow that my kids still talk about months later.

A visit with Matt

We had a visit from my cousin Matt and his girls for just about 24 hours this October.   There was a concert he wanted to go to in Seattle, and lucky me, I live pretty close by. We actually weren't supposed to be in town (we decided at the last minute to send me out to Utah for the weekend instead of doing the drive as a family and spending an extra week) but our plans had changed and I am so glad.  His visit was delightful and his girls were so much fun.  And it had been a long time since I had ever had a real conversation with my cousin.  Most of the time I just assume that he would rather be talking to one of my brothers.

Benjamin loved having two beautiful girls to play with at the park. Matt's daughters are super athletic just like him.  They were doing some incredible gymnastics stuff

my kids loved them-- they were like hugely awesome playmates.

and they had no fear!

And they helped us make an incredible Halloween centerpiece

and some Halloween ornaments.

At the end of the day,  I realized that Matt and I have more in common than I thought.  We both love our Hughes family, we both are parents who adore our kids, and we are both just trying to figure out our lives from day to day.  I hope we get to have them over again soon!

Connecting with Apollo

One of the most special experiences I had this last weekend while I was in St. George and running the marathon, was with my nephew Apollo.
Apollo has autism and is 7 years old.  I have lived in a different city or state from him his whole life and have not had a lot of opportunity to interact with him.  The times that I do have the opportunity, I  feel incompetent and inadequate at understanding and responding to his special needs.  I don't feel capable of communicating with him and so to a certain extent I have kept him at a distance and allowed other family members to be the ones to actively love him.

I know that is pretty poor of me. 
I often get afraid of the things I don't know or understand.  Its easier to stay in safe areas where I can predict the results of my efforts and people act in normal proscribed ways.   With children especially.  I love my own children, I tolerate other people's normal children, and I stay away from the hard cases.  I don't really like this about myself.

This weekend, I had a breakthrough. 

I like to make smoothies.  Especially the chocolate banana kind. With ice.  And spinach if I am feeling especially healthy.  I started making a smoothie this weekend and I noticed that Apollo was watching me.  He had his hands over his ears and he was intently following my hand movements and watching the whirl of the machine as it blended everything together.  The blender had three settings-- "1, 2, and 3."  He liked it when it was on 1.  He did not like it when it was on 2 or 3 (especially 3).  After I made my first smoothie, he took my hand and placed it back on the machine and said "turn it to number 1!"
Luckily, the first smoothie I made completely sucked!  I made it with a mixture of kale and chard and they had a really strong flavor that completely ovewhelmed my beloved chocolate and banana.  So, I had to make another.  This time, I got Apollo involved.  I let him add each ingredient.  I let him scoop the ice.  He put on the lid.  But I had to be the one to turn it to "number 1"-- Apollo needed his hands to cover his ears.  We made two or three smoothies on that first day. And then we used soap and water and just whirled it around to clean out the machine.  The next day we made more smoothies.

I had never really touched Apollo before or had a conversation with him, but I found it easy to take his hand, and talk to him and involve him in the process.  It showed me that the kitchen is one place where I am truly comfortable.  Looking back, I end up cooking with kids almost every time I babysit for someone.  I am not a good imagination play person, but I can make muffins and cookies and serve hot chocolate tea parties to kids by the dozen. And since I was in one of my safe places, I was able to extend myself just enough to find common ground with a very special nephew. 

As the smoothie, and later just water whirled around, I watched his face light up and his eyes sparkle.  I had never seen him so happy in my presence, and it made me feel so light and filled to know that I had helped just a little.  I know I have missed a lot of time with this little guy, but I am glad to start now developing my own relationship with him.

The whole weekend was wonderful and I can't wait to see him again.  I hope we find other cooking projects to do.  I have my Kitchenaid and my Blendtec on the ready when that time comes again.

The long road to Boston

I have a dream.  I want to qualify for the Boston marathon.  And up until a few months ago, I was kind of resigned that I would always run the other marathons in the world and just leave that one to the professionals.  Because it means running fast.  And I have never been fast.   I am a good runner.  My heart is strong.  I am determined and diligent and consistent.  But I am no sprinter.

Three years ago I ran the Seattle rock n roll marathon and a friend of mine who was at the finish line with her husband, said that as they cheered me on her husband remarked to her "she looks like she still has more left in her."

That has always bothered me-- the knowledge that I could have given more. 
I have always held back a little-- afraid of the hurt that comes from really trying and really pushing the extent of my boundaries.  I like to play it safe and keep things comfortable.  And I have ran many respectable and comfortable marathons-- to the point where it is no longer a challenge.

But earlier this summer, the seed of an idea planted itself in my brain....

what if?

what if I tried?

what if I pushed myself just a little farther, a little harder, a little more than I ever have?

what could I accomplish?

So one day I tried.  I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could.  I ran 6 miles at a 7:30 pace.

And then I called emailed a friend who has run the Boston marathon and I told him "I want to try...what do I need to do?"

He put me on a plan that involved running 5 days a week (I had previously only ran 3 days a week).  It meant tempo runs, hill climbs, speed drills and many, many long runs. It meant waking up at 5:00 on some days.  It meant a certain amount of pain and soreness where there had been none before.

And it meant I would need to be fast (well, faster).

To qualify for the Boston marathon, I need to run 26.2 miles in 3:35.  That works out to be a consistent 8.12 mile.

I want to run it in 3:30.  That is an 8:00 mile.

And I have decided to do it.  I know I can.  I know it will hurt.  I know it will be a race like no other race I have ever run.  But for the first time, I am going to lay everything out there and run the race of my life.  I would rather fly from the start and collapse at mile 20 knowing I had given everything, than comfortably finish one more race.

This weekend will be the 10th anniversary of my first marathon, in the city where I grew up and ran my first marathon.  My family will be at the finish line.  My body is ready after 9 months of training.  I may never be in this place in my life again.  The time is now.

This is what I am taking with me:

 The worlds ugliest and most beautiful feet which have carried me thousands of punishing miles.

 My racing tank!  A few months ago, Benjamin got the age where he didn't want to be carried anymore.  He would simply say "I have to run!" and then he would wriggle out of my arms and run after Anna.  That is when I knew he was truly my son.  I feel the same way.  I have to run.

 The real troopers are the family members who sacrificed our family mornings so I could carry on with my running.

And my running buddy lent me her Boston charms!  She is hoping to PR on Saturday.  She said that after I qualify, it will give her even more luck for next year when she makes her own run for Boston.

See you at the finish line!