Okay, I know everyone will have an opinion on this, but today Anna and I start a new chapter of our lives entitled "Anna learns how to fall asleep on her own."
Until now, it has taken literally about a half hour to an hour to soothe her to sleep using rocking, cooing, shushing, singing, and a very subtle hand at transferring a sleeping baby to a crib.
Well, that only works part of the time. There are days when Anna doesn't take any naps at all during the day, which makes for an exhausted baby and an exhausted parent.
After consulting the books (which only confused me), praying, and talking to a trusted friend about taking the plunge into the world of self-soothing, I began today.
My friend Shauna was right. Hearing your baby cry makes you feel sick to your stomach. You think "she is going to hate me" or "she must feel so betrayed" or "I had better start saving now for therapy because someday she is going to go postal and go shoot a chicken out of all her repressed anger and distrust"
but I know she needs sleep, and I also know she has not yet developed the much needed habit of falling asleep unassisted-- something that as adults we take so much for granted. I mean, I don't ask Richard to rock me to sleep or give me a headrub before I can go to sleep....well, I do ask for headrub, but I have been able to sleep unassisted for quite some time now. And I guarantee you that with 5 older brothers and sisters, that my mom did not hold me for 45 mintues trying to get me to sleep each night or to take a nap.
So here I sit, listening for the crying. Session one never resulted in sleep. She cried solidly between feedings. But at least she cried in her crib (while I sat morosely in the living room choking down my lunch). Session two is now in full swing. She played by herslf quietly for awhile, but now I hear her stirring....
This sucks!
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6 comments:
it is going to be hard...and then it will get better...and then she will regress...she's just checking to see if you are serious...I will be praying for you both...just remember that for this one time that you are not answering her cry, there have been dozens where you gave her just what she needed. a smile, a book-reading cuddle time, food, warmth, diaper change, stimulating conversation, etc. The ratio of response is faaaaaar in your favor!
Love Megan's comment above. Hang in there! We literally had MONTHS of listening to Tucker cry (sometimes for hours at a time) before he finally started putting himself to sleep. Good parenting is not for the weak at heart--that's for sure. Good luck! I really hope Anna learns quickly. The thing that helped me most was to get busy doing something else so that I wasn't concentrating on the crying. I feel for you; this part is NO FUN! But the reward (for both baby and parent) is totally worth it.
at least you make it sound funny :) she'll be ok! you give me confidence...i have no idea what i'm doing, but someday i'll figured it out!
love ya!
Oh, no fun! I finally had to come to terms with the fact that letting Chandler stay awake when he was obviously tired was making him unhappy, so I was actually helping him be happier by making him learn to go to sleep, even though it is heartbreaking to let him cry. And of course you will finally feel like you have things under control and then a few weeks later something will change and you'll be doing this all over again thinking "I thought we already figured this out!" You are doing a great job.
I really liked "The happiest baby on the block." I honestly don't remember what it said about sleeping but everything about swaddling and noise and everything else helped me. You're right - there is WAY to much confusing sleep advice out there. Just do what feels right.
oh my goodness, I seriously think this is one of the hardest parts of parenting. Of course, we haven't hit puberty yet, but we have done weaning, potty training, and the 2's are in full force. Learning to self-soothe still beats all. But it's soo worth it. You can do it, and remember to keep things in perspective. It's only just a few weeks (or months in our case) and then they'll get it!
No question, you feel like the worst parent ever.
But it will be worth it in the long run, for all three of you.
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