Parenting a different way

As a preface, let me disclose that I have read almost every well-known parenting book out there, or at least 6 of them. I have talked to friends, family members, and health care professionals. I have consulted online resources....and after months of searching, I have finally figured out the right way to parent.

It is the Lord's way!

Let me explain.

I like instructions. I like it when someone tells me what to do in an unfamiliar situation. Everything about motherhood is unfamiliar, and because I knew a little person was relying on me to take care of them, I wanted to be exceptional at it. I am good at studying, so I studied. I read. I listened to other mothers, and I practiced. Sometimes the things in the books went contrary to every instinct I had. Sometimes the parenting practices made sense. Sometimes they worked, and when they didn't work, I tried to force them to work -- assuming that I was doing something wrong (because after all, they worked in the book and they had worked for other people, so the fault had to have been mine).

Sometimes Anna would look at me like she didn't understand (at times I imagined accusation in that look as well) when I would let her cry for an hour, telling myself that it had been only two hours since she had eaten, and she wouldn't be due for a feeding until a certain time in the future, or that she needed to learn how to sleep on her own. I was following the methods because I believed in the outcome (i.e., a happy, healthy baby). However, I was failing to take into account the most important factor: Anna

Anna is unique, as are all babies. They don't weigh the same, measure the same, look the same, act the same...so I don't know why I assumed that one uniform approach to parenting would work with all babies, including my own wonderful child. The more I tried to make myself and my daughter fit the mold, the more unsatisfied we both were. There were days when my nerves were shot and I would go back to the books over and over again, looking for "the answer" to how I should handle certain situations or how Anna and I should be acting.

Then one day, I found the answer, and I found it in the scriptures!

In the Book of Mormon, in First Nephi, the Lord instructs Nephi to build a boat. In chapter 17, I read:

"...And the Lord did show me from time to time after what manner I should work the timbers of the ship. Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men, neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build it after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me; wherefore it was not after the manner of men."

And I realized that if anyone could instruct me as to how I should raise my daughter, it would be my Father in Heaven. He, as a perfect parent, could show me how to serve and raise my daughter...which would sometimes NOT be after the manner of men. The Lord knows me and my capabilities, and most importantly, He knows my daughter and what her needs are.

I have learned some good things from the books and the people around me, but I don't consult the books anymore (besides, they just make me feel guilty). Instead, I try to let the Holy Spirit and my daughter be my guide (with a little input from our pediatrician of course). The books had suggested that I should be feeding around every three hours and I was trying to limit her nursing periods to thirty minutes. I was also trying to move her toward not eating in the middle of the night. But Anna's weight had been steadily dropping off until at our last visit she was only in the 5th to 10th percentile for weight (yet still in the 90th percentile for height). At her 4 month appointment, the doctor suggested, and I readily agreed, that I feed her more often to help her put more weight on.

Now I feed her whenever I want (Anna has never turned down an opportunity for nursing). I feed her when she wakes up and I feed her before she goes back to sleep. And I don't have to worry about "sleeping through the night" anymore because I know that she needs more nutrition than the "average" baby. She has already visibly gained some weight, and looks so much more healthy and happy. And incredibly, she now naps better than ever. And oddly enough, I have more control over when she naps. And she still goes to sleep on her own both for naps and at night because she is always awake when I put her in her crib. She and I are both so much happier!! She almost never cries anymore. She really was hungry!!

I wish I had trusted myself more. I wish I had consulted the Lord more than I did the books, and I wish I had really just considered what my daughter's unique needs were.