Just a few random thoughts

This week was an interesting week for me.

I had some continuing legal education classes I attended Tuesday and Wednesday so my mother in law came and stayed with us so that she could watch Anna while I went to class. I learned a few things from this experience.

1) I got intensely jealous whenever I heard Anna laughing in the other room with her grandma (something that happened quite a lot). Anna and her grandma would sit for hours reading together or exploring Anna's toybox or just walking around our little backyard together, and there was a part of me that felt almost replaced-- as if Anna had found a better mother-- one more dedicated to making her happy. A few times I almost felt like I was interrupting them when I would come in and sit next to them on the floor-- as if I was an unwelcome visitor on their time together.

2) when I am jealous, I also become insecure (see above)

3) although I really enjoyed attending the classes...I found my mind wandering back home to where Anna was. I really missed her. I kept wondering what she was doing. And I would find myself re-watching some short video segments of her I had taken on my phone. The highlight of my life came when I arrived home after the first day of classes-- the first full day I have ever been away from my little girl-- and my Anna ran to me full tilt with the biggest smile and giggles I have ever seen and actually let me sweep her up in my arms, and she hugged me back. She has never done that. Not only is she too busy exploring rocks and pine cones, but I have never given her a cause to miss me. I felt validated and sure of my place in her heart. I am the mom!

4) I finally could empathize with my husband Richard. Its funny, I am always demanding that he have some sympathy for my plight as a stay-at-home mom, but I am rarely willing to do the same for him and see that there are definite drawbacks to having a full time job, day after day. Richard misses his daughter sorely when he is at work, and sometimes he even worries that she won't remember him or that their relationship is not as strong because of it. Its hard to only see your child an hour or two a day (if that). I also realized that it is mentally and physically tiring to go off to a job every day. I realized that I am always asking Richard to do so many things for me from the moment he gets home from work, because all I can think of is how hard I worked all day and how much I deserve relief. I think I should let him sit on the couch more!

5) I am definitely drawn to certain areas of the law. During tax law, corporate law, and land use planning, I made dinner menus for the week, wrote a Christmas list for Richard, and started writing an insert for our Christmas card. Those were my less conspicuous methods of diverting boredom. The topics that I stayed alert and focused during were elder law, patent law, and criminal defense.

6) one of the highlights of the whole two days was riding the bus with Richard. I got to see the sun rise and see Mount Ranier on the way to work. And I got to hold my sweethearts hand.