Resolving a grudge

So for the past year and a half I have been holding a grudge against my dad for not remembering my birthday.  I would talk to other family members who got gift baskets or cards from him on Christmas and birthdays, but I would get nothing.  And instead of confronting my dad about it, I held my resentment as fuel.  If I ever needed cause to be mad at him, I would use this thought as kindling-- "he forgot my birthday..."

Well, my birthday came and went this year again, and still no gift, card, or phone call.  I even texted him a week before my birthday to tell him it was coming up again, just to give him adequate time to get something in the mail.  Still, I received nothing.  And despite the fact that it was a wonderful birthday, that thought remained as a blight on an otherwise perfect day.

And its funny how even though I have miles of anecdotal evidence of the endless ways my dad has shown love to his children throughout the years and the ways he has specifically been generous and thoughtful with me, I still chose to hang on to this one thought as justification for any resentment I was harboring against him.

I love my dad.  He and I disagree about so many things, and there is no one with whom I will enter into an argument faster (being of course two lawyers and quite like each other in many ways).  But I was tired of the festering going on inside my heart, tired of being mad at him for past mistakes, and I wanted to just love him like I used to.  I had to resolve this birthday thing! (birthdays, if you haven't guessed, are VERY important to me).

So after saying a prayer, I called him and we talked.  It was a really good conversation-- one of the best we have had in years.  It turns out he just didn't have our current address and had been sending gift packages to our old address.  So someone in Factoria, Washington has gotten some pretty amazing cards and brownies for Christmas and birthdays for the past 18 months...

Bottom line, he did remember me.  He remembered my birthday.  And as far as he was concerned, he had done what a loving father should.  So it turns out I didn't need to forgive him for anything and the only person who needed chastisement was myself.

I was thinking about this, because the topic for discussion in relief society was Elder Uchtdorf's talk about the merciful receiving mercy.

In in, there was one especially meaningful paragraph to me:


"The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other."


I think we all want to feel that we have great worth.  I think that both my dad and I, deep down, desire the same thing-- to feel loved, to feel important, to feel like our life was meaningful.  And yet, so many times I concentrate on the flaws, both in myself and in other people.  I see the imperfections and not the potential.  I judge myself and others by the mistakes made and not by the progress.  I want to see my father the way God sees him, because deep down I would like to see myself the same way.


After I talked with my dad that day, I felt so much relief and so much love and appreciation and gratitude.  It was a great feeling.


Anyway, I just thought I would share something other than pictures of Anna.