Tender Pre-K mercies

I have a unique child.
She is loud.  She is bright.  She is stubborn.  She is uninhibited.  She has endless energy.  She is observant and inquisitive.  She is unaffected. She is impatient.  She is competitive beyond belief.  She is mine.

And she has always been good at making friends.  She is the kind of girl who when she is at the beach will just find a group of kids and will start to play alongside them as she introduces herself.  She makes herself at home in other homes and families and will start confiding her deepest thoughts to new people within seconds.  I have never worried about her socially.  I have been planning playdates for her since she was a baby and I still regularly get together with friends of mine who have kids Anna's age.

This year I was so excited to go to Anna's new preschool.   Anna was enrolled with several kids whose parents I was close friends with and I was sure we were going to have a perfect experience and that Anna would again thrive in her new environment.  But as the year progressed, I noticed a few things that began to bother me.  When I would volunteer in the classroom, I would watch Anna and there was no one child that Anna regularly played with.  She would flit from activity to activity without really connecting with the other children in the room.  Outside, it seemed like she was playing on her own more often than not.  And on the days I wasn't in the classroom, when I picked her up from school and asked her who she had played with that day, she would answer "no one."  Sometimes she would talk about the "mean boys" or she would talk about a specific girl who would only play with another girl at the school (and therefore, not with her). She didn't seem too bothered by it really.  It was more matter of fact.  But some days as the other kids were planning play dates with each other and mothers were carpooling a bunch of kids together, Anna would ask me "who is going to come home with me today?" and I would answer "no one."

The year before, at Anna's last preschool, Anna had really connected with another girl in obvious ways so her mother and I had planned opportunities for the girls to play together outside of school.  But this year, there was no one who was asking for Anna to come over, and I didn't know who to ask in return.  

Last week, as I was getting ready to work in Anna's classroom, Anna's teacher pulled me aside and asked me if Anna had any close friends at the school.  I had to honestly answer no (as I am on the verge of tears). Just in the last week I had seen an instance of her exclusion from a pair of girls playing together.  Knowing that other adults had noticed these things as well should have made me feel relieved, but it devastated me.  I adore my little daughter.  I don't want her ever to hurt. I don't want her to realize that kids are not choosing her.
But what if she gets quieter and quieter.  What if she starts turning inward and becomes hesitant and fearful and insecure and lonely.
And my own childhood insecurities just flooded back to me.  So many dark years without any close friends.  Not being bullied, but not fitting in anywhere, with anyone.  Spending days, weeks, and months reading books in my room because no one was asking me to play over at their house. Going years without being invited to a birthday party.  Feeling such deep loneliness and need.  Getting anxious any time teams or groups had to be formed.

when I talked to my mom about what was happening with Anna at school, I started to sob, and I just kept saying "I don't want her to be like me!"
Well, my mom is my mom for a reason, and she told me "maybe you went through those things yourself so that you can help Anna through her challenges, whatever they may be."

Well, last Friday (the very day that Anna's teacher pulled me aside) as I was driving Anna to school, I prayed for God to give me a tender mercy-- some personal sign of his love and awareness of me and my family. Within 10 minutes of talking to Anna's teacher, as I was holding in my tears trying to glue gun some felt gingerbread men, one of the boys from Anna's class came up to Anna, tapped her on the shoulder, and told her to check her mailbox.  In it was this:

I think that little boy saved me (I really did cry then)! He gave my girl a valentine (of sorts).  She was SO excited.  So she went and made him a Valentine.  He and his family are coming over to our house for dinner on Saturday.

I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and still remembers the pain I experienced as a child and is still responding to my constant need for reassurance.  I am so grateful He loves my girl even more than I can understand.  And yes, I do know that there are worse things than being "like me."  I know that I wouldn't be the woman I am now without the experiences I had as a child-- that all that adversity helped me to develop strength that I probably wouldn't have otherwise.  But I just can't help wanting to spare Anna as much heartache as possible.

And really, outside of school, Anna has a lot of friends (Anna's teacher was very reassured by this).  She gets together with friends and neighbors multiple times a week and she seems happy and normal and unaffected (so far) by whatever is happening or not happening at school.  But it has certainly make me nervous about starting Kindergarten next year.

Homeschooling, anyone?

Rattlesnake Ridge

One of the things I love best about the Northwest is the weather.

Yes, you read correctly.  I love the weather here.  I love that we got snow on the ground for a couple of hours and got a snow day out of it.  I love that in the middle of december you can have a 50 degree day or go for whole  years without any snow at all.  I love how everything is green.  While so much of the country gets predictably colder and colder and covered with snow in the winter, our weather is entirely unpredictable.  i kind of love it.  You have to be ready for anything.  We decided to go on a hike last Saturday to Rattlesnake Ridge, possibly one of the best viewpoints in the world.   It is both dog and kid friendly and only 4 miles round trip.  It was raining pretty steadily most of the drive there and Richard was questioning the intelligence of our day trip, but I knew that weather here can change from neighborhood to neighborhood, and sure enough we came through the clouds to find patches of sunlight around this particular mountain.

 There were a lot of smiles from Benjamin and myself.  Like dogs, I need to be walked everyday.  If I had a tail, it would be wagging too!  Benjamin just loves trees!

 WE kept Anna occupied by counting the number of dogs on the trail.  We counted around 25 before we finished the hike.  She was really a trooper.  She climbed the entire way up on her own, and rode daddy's shoulders almost the entire two miles back :)

 At the top we were rewarded with encompassing fog.  It was really cool.  Especially since we had done this hike before on a clear day and knew exactly what was hiding behind the thick clouds.

 We were one happy family.  By the way, Pringles are the official chip of the Rose family, and PBJs are our official food.

 I happened to catch this amazing photo just before we started to head down. The clouds would part every few minutes or so to give you a glimpse of the mountain ranges around you.  And I don't even know how to photoshop.  This moment just happened.

Halfway down Benjamin just passed out.  An acceptable casualty, I think!  I am happiest when I am outdoors enjoying time with my family, and I think our kids will remember the experiences we have together and the sandwiches and chips eaten in the coolest of places!

Halloween Season, aka, "pumppppp!"

Benjamin loves his "pumps."  Actually, I should say, "PUMPS" because he screams it.  Nothing seems to make his more excited than seeing bright orange globes.  And of course, in October, pumps are in abundance!

 We love going to pumpkin farms.  There is something almost intoxicating (not that I would know) about being outside in the sunshine with the smell of fall in the air and taking your kids to pick out pumpkins in a wheelbarrow. Sometimes we go there just to go there but we always end up coming home with a pumpkin or two.  We have ended up with quite a collection this year :)

We tried out a new pumpkin farm this year. It is just called "The Farm." Normally, I would think that is a pretty audacious title considering that there are hundreds of farms in Washington, but I think this farm earned it.  They had real duck races (Aflac won this one).

 

As well as a ton of kiddie rides, a hay ride, a corn maze, and restaurants.  Anna loved this giant bubble.  We saw a mighty tantrum when we finally tore her away.

This tractor reminded me of "Otis" the tractor from some of Anna's favorite books.

 The best ride at any pumpkin farm is the wheelbarrow ride.  And its free!

 Benjamin was in pumpkin heaven.  I don't think his birthday even came close to fulfilling as many of his toddler dreams as coming to this pumpkin farm.

 If this picture had sound, it would sound like this:  "AAAHHHH PUUUMMMPPPP!"

 Anna's last ride was the cow train.  Of course, she chose the one pink link.

 Richard just loves to be around his happy kids.  Both of these boys left the pumpkin farm very satisfied!

 WE quickly realized that our Halloween decorations were at the wrong height.  They have been up the whole month and Benjamin still can't come into the room without pointing and saying "PUMP!"

 pumpkins find their way into everything we do.  I make pumpkin pancakes almost once a week here. I can't even say that I do it for the kids.  I love them!

No Halloween season would be complete for us without a chili cook-off.  We had 7 different varieties-- all standouts.  The creamy white chicken chili of our neighbors won the evening.

31 miles and strong

For a few years now I have contemplated running an ultra race (any distance longer than a 26.2 mile marathon).  My experience with myself (which is long and vast as I am my oldest friend) is that the longer the distance, the better I perform.  Which I why you will NEVER see a post about a 5k distance. I stink at sprinting.  My family can tell you that.  I was never the first picked for any ultimate frisbee game :)  But once I start running, I can maintain a pace for a long, long, LONG period of time.  So I always wondered...what as life like after 26.2? 

Fantastic.  Incredible.  Beautiful.  Holy.  This gorgeous scene was what I got to run next to for the majority of my race.

And this gorgeous face is who I got to run my race with-- well for at least the first half mile before we realized what it means to run on a narrow trail (it means solitude).  Kari had just run a marathon in a Boston qualifying time the week before this race, so she was a little tired even before we began running (to say the least)

This was what the trail was like the majority of the time.  So I was alone with God and His creations for much of the run.  I loved it.  For a long time I just looked and breathed and lived, mourning for people who never get to see views like this or who live in congested cities.

I took pictures throughout my run, so I was obviously not concentrating on winning the race, but more experiencing my first ultra marathon.  I really enjoy running and I was absurdly happy that I was about to run 31 miles.  This is how I like to spend my saturdays.

We got to do some crazy cool things during the run whenever we needed to cross the river-- it usually involved logs...

And more logs

and run in long stretches of mud.  I joked that they should have called this race the "tough mudder."  Feel free to lol at my cleverness :)

more than anything, I was just amazed at how beautiful everything was. I felt so blessed to live in the Northwest!  And I know that there is cruelty and filth and evil in the world, but there is also beauty and purity and peace and serenity.  Now you know why I run!

This was me at halfway through the race-- roughly around 18 miles or so.  And feeling great!

We ran on about 2 miles of road only-- and this is what it was.

And this is me after the race.  Still feeling great.  Not terribly sore.  Really happy!!  I will definitely be running more races like this!

Here were some fun facts about my race that day:

1.  At the aid stations in ultras, you get things like baked potatoes with salt, goldfish crackers, oreos, jelly beans, and m&ms..
2. When I reached the second aid station, they were not fully stocked yet and did not have any water there.  Not good.  I actually asked another runner at some point to drink some of her water because I didn't want to hang out at the aid station until water arrived.  I drank from her camel back.  Thats love between runners!
3. I tripped twice during my run.  Thats what happens when you start listening to music-- or in  my case, bill cosby, on a trail run.
4. I finished in 6 hours and 38 minutes-- well below my goal of 7 hours.
5. I used the same fanny pack I have used since 2004 for all my marathons and wore hand me down running stuff.  I also used the same shows I wore for my marathon 2 1/2 years ago (I am glad-- it was really muddy and I needed shoes that were really comfortable and seasoned!).
6.  I got zero chafing or blisters during  my run.
7. I finished 10th overall and 3rd in the women (there were really only 50 runners though)
8. The food at the finish line was awesome.  Salmon and meatballs and potstickers and cookies and candy and rice and watermelon.  There was just this guy making a whole bunch of random food on a camp grill.  It felt like a backyard bbq-- which was exacerbated by the fact that most of the runners knew each other (ultra running is a small, tight knit community)
9.  Everyone tells you "good job" or "good work" when they pass you on the trail.  And it doesn't sound condescending, because anyone who finished a 31 mile race, no matter how slow, really is awesome!

Farewell to warms...

I love the summer and it is always sad to see it end, no matter how long its length.  There were a couple of years in the beginning of our stay here, where the summer lasted all of two weeks before descending into dreary gray drizzle, but this year has been like a long, slow, romantic courtship of warm beautiful weather.  Well, summer gave us one last great week of 80 degree temperatures, so I tried to make the most of it with the kids.  We went to a beach park on 4 different days.  My favorite, as always, is Discovery Park

 Discovery park is unique in that you have a lighthouse, a pristine shore with few visitors, and views of the Cascades, the Olympics, and Mt. Ranier all at once.  And unlike the lake parks we usually go to, you can also smell the salt water and hear the waves.  When I am feeling especially stressed or low, this is the place I go to get rejuvenated.   And the kids love it too-- bonus!

 Anna and Benjamin both love the water, so we have had a great summer.  Everybody gets to be happy-- except Anna when she gets her picture taken...

 More and more I am noticing Anna and Benjamin playing "together."  It makes me so happy to see siblings enjoying each other.  Anna is also becoming more tolerant and helpful to her little brother and Benjamin just adores her.

 I love this picture below.  Anna was playing and just stood up and said "Hi Guys!" and waved to the paddle-boarders.  That is her personality.  Everyone is her friend.

 Anna found this great tree trunk that became her balance beam.  Benjamin was constantly trying to solve the problem of how to get to where she was.

 Benjamin's main form of communication is pointing.  He will extend his arm, with finger pointing, and say "this!"

 Richard titled this picture "the young man and the sea"

 I took an almost identical picture of Anna in this same pose 3 years ago at this very beach.  Like I said, it is my favorite beach, and the one I turn to if I need a rise in my spirits.

Anna, circa 2010

 Farewell summer.  Come again soon!  We look forward to reunion 2014

Do something daring every year

Last night Richard and I had a great date.  We talked about things and asked each other strange questions like "if you were featured on the cover of Time magazine, what would you want the tagline to read?"

One of the questions was "What is the most daring thing you have ever done?"
Richard's answer was "ask you to marry me!"  I think runner up responses for him would include:
1) get kicked out a mall for setting up a tent and campfire in the mall
2) run mostly naked through a Wal-Mart
3) run a half marathon with just 6 weeks of training
4) hike Angels Landing with a fear of heights

When I thought about it, the thing that took the most guts for me was to serve a mission.  My hands used to tremble sometimes when I would think about going out to contact in the morning.  I still sometimes wake up in the morning, relieved, that I am not a missionary anymore because it scared me so much.

But I have this other part of my personality that is thrilled by doing hard things and pushing my limits.  I realized about a year ago, that I hadn't pushed myself toward anything in awhile.  I was sort of coasting.  I wasn't growing, I wasn't changing (except to get older), I wasn't progressing.  I was inspired when a friend of mine made 30 goals for herself the year she turned 30.  So I started thinking about goals I could make for myself-- goals that did not revolve around my children.  All the goals I could think of revolved around 1 main theme-- increase my talents and push myself.  So this is what I have been doing:

I started a garden (I have a couple of baseball bats growing in my zucchini plants...)
I ran a ragnar (loved it.  I didn't wash off my ragnar tattoo for about two weeks and got a little bit of flak for it at church :)
I signed up for an ultramarathon (the Middle Fork 50k in North Bend on September 21)
I tried out for a choir (and was accepted!)

More about these last two items.

I love to sing.  And you wouldn't know it if you just asked my kids ("mom, can you please stop singing?!" whenever we are in the car), but I think I have a pretty good voice.  Despite not even making first callbacks for my high school choir, I somehow persevered and with a few lessons and became not terrible.  A few years and a mission later (and singing every day on that mission), I was in a college womens choir.  I have sung in some stake performances and performed some solos in church.  A few months ago, I was invited to audition for a new choir-- the Seattle Ensign Chorus and Symphony (a kind of regional Mormon Tabernacle Choir).   So I signed up for an audition slot on my mom's birthday.  I prepared a song I loved to sing and showed up prepared to accept whatever happened.  The audition was pretty intense.  The whole thing was recorded.  I first had to tell why I wanted to be in the choir.  I told them that I was auditioning on my mom's birthday because my mom loved singing and had inspired me by auditioning herself for a choir 15 years ago after she had worked a 12 hour shift at a hospital (and which she is now happily a part of).  My mom had been daring and I was going to be daring too.
First they tested my range.  Then they tested my sight singing ability (pretty poor if you ask me).  Then they tested my tonal memory by playing random groups of 4 or 8 notes and having me sing them back.  Then I finally got to sing my song.  But...then I had to sing the same song with no vibratto ("think of the Vienna boys choir" she said), and then after that I was supposed to sing the same song like an African spiritual.  Well, you know how much African blood I have in me.  What I lacked in authenticity, I more than made up in my enthusiasm!
And that was my audition.
Well, I got in.  And I am pleased as punch.  The first rehearsal was amazing.  I felt so honored and blessed and I am so excited to be stretching myself again.  I want to be better.  Heck, I want to be in MoTab someday, so I better start practicing.

The second thing I have done is prepare to run an ultramarathon.  A 50k is roughly 31 miles.  But it is not on roads, and it doesn't always have a well marked path.   This race will cover mountains and rivers and everything in between.  But a marathon distance just wasn't that hard anymore.  I could run 18 miles and not even be sore that same night.  I know what you are thinking (either "I can't believe she is so egotistical" or "why don't you just try to run a marathon faster?"). But the truth is, since I can't/won't/refuse/hate to sprint and really only have the one running pace, running the same distance faster is not an attractive option.  I would rather just increase the distance to push myself.  So here I go.  I probably will regret this and I may throw up at some point.  But at least I will have done something daring!

Colorado 2013

This summer was the summer of road trippin' 

I have to admit, I prefer my 20 hour drive in the summer.  So thank you Nick, Mike, and Stephen, for giving us good reason to come to Colorado in the summer.  

Richard's Colorado time began with a true boys weekend with all of his best high school friends.  The weekend included staying up all night, pushing over trees, and attempting to start a fire with two sticks. 

Richard and I got to go on some dates around Grand Junction as well.  This is us trying out a "dramatic" pose.

Models always look angry in their photos, so this is me trying to look like a model!

We got to spend a ton of time with one of Richard's best friends and the groom-to-be, Mike Pacini.  We went on an all day hike looking for some magic pools of water, only to find some small puddles of smelly tepid water.  Drought season.

I know that Richard gets a lot out of the particular beauty of Colorado.  It had been years since we had been here in the summer, so it was nice to see red rocks and blue sky and desert....hmm, that sounds like my home town :0

This is Stephen Pacini, himself to be a groom in about 6 weeks, giving the best man toast.  Mike and Mary's wedding was really beautiful and a very special experience for both of us.  WE got to spend a lot of time with the bride and groom for the entire week before their wedding.  There were game nights and hikes and lunches and brunches and even a yoga class!  Even on the day of the wedding we sat right next to them and square danced with them on the dance floor.

The groomsman were organized according to height.  Guess who was the last groomsman?

I sat right across from the bride and groom at the wedding dinner.  That is how special I am.  Actually, I just moved my chair so I could sit close to my husband who was at the wedding party table.

The highlight of the trip to Colorado for me was our all-day date to Moab and Arches National Park.  Neither of us had been there, and Delicate Arch was just as spectacular as it appears to be.

we actually got to go hiking quite a lot while we were in Colorado.  Hiking brings me back to the beginnings our relationship together.  The first time I ever talked to Richard was on a hike.  The first time Richard told me he loved me was on a hike.  When we got engaged, we were on a hike.

Maybe that is why I am always urging us to do more hiking.  I love everything more and am more content with my whole world when I am outside in the sun surrounded by beautiful things.  Best therapy around!