The best baby advice of the past year

In the past year, the best advice I received on how to raise my child came from:

1) my sister
2) my pediatrician
3) Freakonomics

My sister's son is what you might call...high maintenance. He is a wonderful kid and very smart and we all love him s lot, but I know there are days that my sister just tries to get through the day with both her and her son in one piece. She has often told me that she has become the kind of mom she swore she would never be. I admire her. She is one of the most patient of all human beings and she gives such pure love to her child. It was she who told me, "Rachael, if your child is alive at the end of the day, you have succeeded as a mother." I think moms sometimes beat themselves up over little things like whether their child walks late or doesn't like certain foods or has a hard time going to sleep. Sometimes it is enough to celebrate the fact that you give you kids food, shelter, and love...and that is enough.

Our pediatrician made a very profound statement at our last visit. She was trying to prepare us for the coming year of toddler hood and so she addressed the issue of "time out." She said that in order for time out to be effective, there must first be "time in." Our children need to have our attention and time if we ever expect them to respond to times when we take those away. IT made me think about how I interact with Anna. I know I can make myself more accessible to her. My mother in law was just recently here, and she spent hours in Anna's room just letting Anna examine each book and toy-- letting Anna dictate what the activity was and giving Anna all her attention. I know I can't do that ALL of the time, but I know I could do that MORE of the time.

Richard has been renting books on tape, and one of the books he has most enjoyed has been "Freakonomics." He told me about a section of the book that dealt with parenting styles and why all the bodies of parenting wisdom seem to contradict each other and shift all the time. One book says to co-sleep with your child, and if you don't your child will be emotionally disengaged for life and will become distrustful. The other body of thought says that you need to teach your child independence early by teaching them to fall to sleep and stay to sleep on their own, necessitating letting them "cry it out," and that if you don't, your child will be high maintenance, overly dependent, and emotionally unstable. Some say put them on a schedule right away, and others say to let your child lead.
The conclusion of this particular chapter was that it really doesn't matter what style of parenting you choose, and that there are no major differences in children raised by families with different styles of parenting. What does matter is the character of the parents.

This really made sense to me. Large families like the one I came from are a perfect example of this point. My oldest brothers had a lot more rigidity in their schedule, more standard nap times, more consistent bed times, and more direct parental involvement. I, on the other hand, was the 5th child and probably had no set schedule and a lot less direct parental involvement. IT was almost as if we were raised by a different set of parents. Yet, we all turned out okay. Granted, I turned out the most awesome (just kidding), but I think in the end, it didn't matter that we were raised differently, what mattered is that we were loved by our parents! The bottom line is that each parent just needs to do what they feel comfortable with, and not worry if books or experts agree with them

So stress less, love your child, feed and water them, and they will turn out just fine!