A day in my life with my girl

Almost every day, after I put my children to bed, I have a few moments where I look back over my day and my interactions with the kids.  I rememer the moments where I was the mom I wanted to be, and I recall the moments I hope my children will forget and forgive me for.  Most days are like that-- battles won and lost.  Most days include a smattering of "time outs," a few tantrums, a couple of briberies, a raised voice or two, some door poundings, interspersed with hugs, kisses, laughter, and love.  I have only been in the parenting business for 3 1/2 years and I am still very much an amateur.  I don't like to think that Anna is getting my "rough draft" but there are some days when I look back on my decisions that day and I feel like there were more "wrongs" than there were "rights"

And then there are days like today.

Anna let me help her get ready for the day.  After I put Benjamin down for his first nap, Anna and I both got dressed and then once her shoes were on, we read stories for quite awhile.  Anna loves the story of "Ferdinand the Bulll."  She also loves "Cuordory" and "Madeline" and "Peter Rabbit."  We  read them all.  I didn't feel rushed.  I didn't give her a time limit.  We just read.  Then I made us a lunch to take to school.  After Benjamin woke up, we all had bananas.  Anna's had Nutella on it.  We headed out to music class and Anna was so thoughtful the whole time.  She wanted to protect Benjamin from the other kids so she would kneel down and place her arms around him while she kept her eyes on the other children who were toddling near.  Every time a piece of music equipment got passed around, she took one for herself and then got one for both Benjamin and myself.  Every time.  She was so thoughtful.  After music class, while we were in the car on the way to the preschool, Anna and I talked about what books she wanted to rent from the library the next time we went there (all Fancy Nancy books).
After we got the preschool, Anna and I went straight to the bathroom.  Anna asked for some privacy, so I went to talk to another parent.  When Anna came out she was completely naked except for her pants and underwear around her ankles.  When I turned from my conversation, I found her blithely putting together a puzzle, completely oblivious to the fact that there might have been something wrong in her lack of attire. I got her dressed and she had a wonderful time at school.  On the way home she happily ate her PBJ in her carseat.  Once at home, I put Benjamin to bed and then Anna and I shared some apple slices while we again read some books.  After this, Anna was supposed to have some nap time/quiet time.  It wasn't quite so successful today.  Anna kept coming out, wanting to be where I was, doing what I was doing.  After a few unsuccessful attempts to get her back into her room, I finally gave up and just included her in my work.  She helped me take out the recycling, and then I taught her about composting.  We had just had a new compost bucket delivered and Anna was fascinated with it.  I taught her about what kinds of things we put into the bucket and Anna was very excited to be the first one to put food scraps in the new bucket.  After that, Anna and I made Blueberry muffins.  Anna has become an excellent assistant cook to me.  She likes to crack eggs and mix things and dump and pour, but most of all she likes to taste.  I always let her lick the spoon.  Muffins are our special thing.  We make muffins almost every week.  Anna likes to watch them bake in the oven and usually brings her little stool next to the oven and asks me to turn the oven light on so that she can watch the process.  Benjamin woke up while they were baking so I left her in charge of protecting the muffins while I took care of her baby brother. While I was in there, Anna came into Benjamin's room and climbed up onto the rocking chair with us and brought a story that she wanted me to read.  While I was reading it, the buzzer dinged so we all trouped into the kitchen with the unfinished book.  Benjamin had his dinner and both Anna and I ate two muffins apiece.  Then we finished the story.
Then I told Anna that it would be a great idea if we all got into our pajamas.  I brought Anna her pajamas and Anna asked what Benjamin was going to wear.  I told her that she could pick out what Benjamin would wear that night.  While I was getting Benjamin into his pajamas I asked Anna to bring in her "stack a doos" (a kind of lego like building set).  I held Benjamin while Anna built things.  I asked her what she wanted me to build and then obediently followed her instruction.  I kept telling Anna how much Benjamin loved her and was watching the things she was doing.  I asked Anna to share one of her blocks with her brother and she reluctantly agreed to let him hold ond of the smaller pieces.  Then Anna told me she wanted to build a wall with her "stack a doos" and we then proceeded to build the "biggest wall EVER!"  She lined up all her blocks and connected them in a straight line and then we practiced counting them.  She inexplicably skips over the number 16 every time.  Every time she counted the blocks, I would give her a high five and tell her "thats what I'm talking about" to which she would reply, "thats what I'm talking about first!"
While I put Benjamin down to sleep, Anna "borrowed" one of his toys and took it to her room.  I told her I would join her later.  When I was finished, I found Anna eating crackers in the kitchen.  I made her a little dinner and told her that if she took one adventure bite, I would give her a treat.  She ate precisely one bite and then asked for her treat. I gave her three M&Ms.  I got her toothbrush and we took the toothbrush into her room so she could get ready for bed.  Richard got home, so I gave Anna a kiss, told her I loved her, and let Richard take over.

As I waited for Richard to come out of her room, I did the same memory sweep of the day that I do every day, examining my actions and interactions with my kids.  The things said that couldn't be unsaid and the things done that couldn't be undone.  And I realized that today was a "10"

We weren't at Disneyland.  We weren't on the beach in our bathings suits.  We weren't in a toy store or at a performance.  We weren't surrounded by cupcakes or candy.  Today was perfectly ordinary.

But it was perfect. For the first time in a long time, there wasn't a moment I wanted to change about today.  I knew that Anna knew that I loved her when she went to bed.  I knew that when she hugged me tight that it was not out of obedience or obligation.  I knew that today, my little girl felt secure in her home and family, that she felt listened to and important.  And for myself, I truly enjoyed playing with my children today.  I hope Anna remembers today-- that she remembers more of my "good mom" moments than my "bad mom" moments.

I hope I make more days this like.