why choosing your running partner is almost as important as choosing your spouse

There have been two proposals in my life that I have been really excited about.

The first, and most important, was when my husband Richard proposed to me and asked me to be his wife. That changed my life forever for the better.  And 7 years later, we are still married!

The second proposal was when my friend Carrie asked me if I would be her running buddy.  This was no small decision.   Of course I enthusiastically accepted her proposal.  I think I even said something like, "I thought you would never ask!"

We made racing plans and signed up for marathons together.  We picked out shoes and jersey colors...(not really).

There are actually a lot of parallels between your running buddy and your spouse:

Running buddies provide accountability.  You are invested in each other. You know that someone is relying on you to get up in the morning and put on your running shoes.  Even on mornings when you would rather just roll over and sleep 15 more minutes, the thought of your running buddy meeting you on the trail is sometimes just enough for you to make that first step out of bed.  But like spouses, running buddies also are understanding of the days that you are just not yourself or not giving your finest.   A good running buddy does not pass judgment when you have to skip a day because you were up all night with your baby or when you just have to have a day off.

A good running buddy is flexible and understanding.  Sometimes a long run has to happen at 5:00 or 5:30 am, but a really good running buddy will get up and do it with you because they understand that a long run together is not nearly as long!

A good running buddy runs with you in training and matches your pace, but lets you do your own personal best on race day.  Neither one should hold the other person back.  And so, like a spouse, it is important to choose a running buddy with whom you are equally yoked and have similar goals.  A good running buddy should help you to progress and be your best without ever making you feel like you need to change.

Running buddies see you at your best and your worst.  They get the bed hair, the eyes full of gunk, the sometimes unbrushed teeth.  They see you sweaty and panting and sometimes throwing up.  When you get injured, they are the first person to know about it-- in fact, they are probably the person who will help you limp home.  But they are also the person who knows better than anyone else when you have done your personal best, when you have just smashed your own personal record.  They are the person you call when you finish a race because they were the person who helped you get ready for it and they understand your euphoria in meeting or exceeding your goal.

And, like a spouse, you should choose a running buddy that you like a lot and enjoy spending time with.  I spend more talking time with my running buddy than any other adult in my life outside my husband. During peak training, we are spending up to 5-6 hours a week just talking (which is what women do when they run together).  And its really enjoyable.  There have been days prior to a big run when I have been excited, not just to run, but to get the chance to hang out with my running buddy and talk for a few hours. Its like therapy only more fun (and probably just as effective). A lot of times I have come to a run with a problem or feeling anxiety over something in my life, only to find it eased after talking through it with my running buddy.  At the last marathon expo we attended, my running buddy found a T-shirt that said,

 "what's said on the long run stays on the long run!" 

And its absolutely true.  I have found myself exposing some of my greatest insecurities to the person running beside me.  Maybe all the endorphins being released into your body makes you feel like you can say anything.  And I do feel that way.  A good running buddy should be a good listener, friend, and life coach.

So, if your spouse happens to be your running buddy, then your marriage has probably achieved a level of bliss only reserved for psalms and poetry. But I don't know of many husband/wife running buddies.  It's also hard to find time to run together with two little kids in the house.  Therefore, most of us runners will have to find that magic dynamic at least twice-- once when seeking for a spouse, and the other when seeking a running buddy!